目前日期文章:200707 (11)

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Jeremy的前一篇回應讓我想到很多事。

我一直到很晚才發現,自己極不擅處理人際關係。說到底,大概就是永遠捉不著分寸:要嘛太硬、要嘛太軟;幾乎從來不曾恰恰落在中間。

要說硬,大概是硬得讓初識者難以接近,熟朋友又忘了我不見得是不累,只是不說。軟的時候,就是被人家一路吃到底,還要嫌太糯了沒嚼勁。隨著時間過去,「做人比做事難上百倍」這句話真是越發顯出它的價值。

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要說到男生們,戰線也許得拉得更長些;不僅是因為人數是(現存)女性組員的兩倍,也因為他們彼此間的差異更大,一眼望去幾乎是滿滿的眼花繚亂。

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十三在這裡是個常見的數字,想來是經營團隊取它的諧音,好叫好記,全沒人去想西洋那一套禁忌什麼的。於是,我們這組一開始,就是十三個人;八男五女,清楚俐落地符合母體的性別分配,是一組很漂亮的樣本。

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金剛經裡有一段話是這樣說的:「菩薩不住相布施,其福德不可思量。」

我對佛經近乎全然無知,對於這句話的理解是來自幾年前朱敬一老師(註一)的一篇演講稿:《人文社會領域的學思歷程》(註二)。他之所以引用這經句,重點在所謂「不住相」的觀念。他對這句話的詮釋是:「……所謂的不住相,是你去佈施做好事的時候,不要老覺得我在做好事……不要覺得自己是有著痕跡的去做好事。假設把我剛講的彙總成一句話:『人文學者不住相讀書,其功用不可思量。』我們讀書的時候不要『住相』,不要為哪個目的讀書。」

我很偏好這樣的想法。不論此等解法是否合乎經典原義,在生活中的很多小小細節,都一再印證:把自己化成海綿、用力吸收所有可能的養分,是很重要的堅持。誰知道什麼事在什麼場合會派上用場?

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It's really a sad day today.

I've slept for about 10 hours last night because I had burned mid-night oil till morning the day before yesterday, preparing for the 3rd week exam. I was not quite sure if studying for such a long time and having no rest was a good idea or not - owing to my own experience while in college, long time of study will be of low efficiency. But since I've got so much that had not been reviewed, I could do nothing but just study.

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I'm not feeling well now, physically and mentally. It's not my day today.

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Once I thought I'm quite a person that cannot enjoy being alone. However, God's really wise to have given me chances to prove that I can survive somehow. I've got a ex-boyfriend who had been too busy to be my proper company. After breaking up with that guy, I've got YT who's always willing to be with me, yet he has been studying in some schools out of Taipei area for almost 7 years.

Environment and time can even train a pig to fly - oh, don't shake your head. Evolution is always playing trick on us, isn't it?

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The exam was quite different from the one of the first week courses.

Shall I explain the testing system first... On Monday mornings we've got to take exams, which contain the content of the former week. No kidding, it's kind of hard - I myself had been an undergraduate student in NTU, and then was a graduate student of TMU; yet I swear, these exams are surely much more threatening than those I'd taken at school. I've studied for the whole weekend - well, ok, I went out with YT, my man, for one movie and dinner at McDonald's. It only took me 5 hours or so, and I burned the mid-night oil till morning on Monday - but I hardly failed.

One who fail to pass the exam will only have one chance to make up - fail again, then you'll get FIRED.

Though I DO feel sorry for those who failed, I still can't help smiling till now. It's really a blessing that we've got the exam results today, and none of my teammates got less than 70 - which is the line between pass and fail. Under so much different pressures, I feel really happy on knowing this and almost hugged the one sitting next to me. XD


I'll try to study harder because I'm not really satisfied with my stupid score. All those practice and study will surely take me a lot of time, please wish me good luck, friends.

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Surely I don't have to restate the terrible days here. Er, probably not that terrible but I'm really exhausted having SOOOOoooo many classes everyday.

The other day I'd written an article on my personal board, which is on ptt2.cc, which described my detailed daily life here in the L&D center. One of my old friends, Arlo, made a comment - "oh well, you're spending days even more intensive than we had while in military service!"

It's true.

Whatever. I am glad that I've learned lots of things on banking. I'll do more writing (like this murmuring and, well, some really stupid but important THESIS) while being home this weekend. May God bless me and all of you, my beloved ones!

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From Land Bank just then.

I'm kind of... feeling sorry, though I'm not quite sure for what or for whom. Probably it's because I've decided to take a way, which will surely be very different from what I had expected. Maybe.

Tracing back the day on which I've got the exam result, well...

We've always got to make really difficult choices. The older I am, the stronger the feeling be.

I'm not unhappy but I'm not happy either.

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Well. This article is going to be written in English owing to my being lack of time. So I'm going to describe the longest week in my life (well, at least till now) with poor English.

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