hoyi's Weblog

　　本文同步自Facebook下山人之友會討論區。

　　我下山都快兩年了，「愛的衝撞」這件事可能發生在將近三年前。不過現在回想起來，那天朝會的每一幕都還歷歷在目。

此篇文章受密碼保護，請輸入密碼後閱讀。

彷彿是午後，依著離職程序單上列出來的項目整理該繳回的雜物和文具，把配戴在左胸口的服務證摘下來放在桌上。想了想，還是掏出相機留下了最後一張影像。猛然有些恍惚：我幾乎都還記得換領服務證的那天，分行經理笑笑喊過我，驀地遞出新的證件，溫言叮嚀「用普通證件照片辦的舊證，記得要還我喏」。

那天，我把新證件別在胸口，心頭緊緊的。

新舊證件的重量型制全無二致，只是新證上的相片用的是入行之後拍的制服照，背後尚且烙印著獨一無二的編號。我向來不太能從日復一日的生活裡，明白自己究竟成長多少，這些小小的儀式，因而儼然成為我積攢小小力量的來源。一如

　　十五六歲的時候讀過一本有趣的書，書名叫《別鬧了，費曼先生！》，對其中一段印象非常深刻。

　　費曼參與核彈研究，與妻子阿琳聚少離多。阿琳因為肺疾住進醫院療養，病勢凶險；然而病榻之上她仍然不減俏皮靈慧，和費曼大玩密碼信遊戲－－費曼所在的羅沙拉摩斯實驗室警備森嚴，出入信件都要檢查，兩人偏用密碼寫成有字天書，折騰得檢查人員人仰馬翻。1945年，阿琳病篤；夫妻二人儘管鶼鰈情深，卻難敵長期生離與病魔肆虐，終於死別。

Faith and Passion.

They're the most important things in working. Lost them, everything's not going to be fine.

從今天開始，要一直記得，在工作中不可以失去熱情和信念；對於自己所做的每一件事情要能勇敢而開心地負完全責任。不可以再抱著聽命而為，責任不在我的這種蠢想法，否則我永遠、永遠都會是停滯在原地的傻瓜。

My friends and I had a gathering yesterday at dinner time.

We've known each other for about 1 year. It's the training program that put us together. We are now all in different department / division / branch of the company, but we do have something in common - that is, most of us had entered this firm with great ideal. Some of us quitted our original jobs, turned other offers down, in order to get in here and build our career.

But I guess now we are no more those pure newbies. We're still hard-working, but we've already lost our belief. We will never be that enthusiastic anymore. I don't think I'd be capable of reasoning the result, but I can tell it's not us that are kind of easily-giving-up people. WHAT'S THE REAL REASON THEN?

Stupid title. It's nothing like Sleepless in Seattle; I'm not the Meg-Ryan-type woman. It's just... I'm kind of exhausted but I can't sleep.

It was like hell having such a day as the beginning of a week.

I got extremely tired owing to one whole sleepless working night. I tried to do my best but can't help complaining secretly, well, since they always ask me / us to schedule everything properly and leave MUCH time for "the authority" to make their decision, how come they themselves always hand out the task at the last minute?

It's no big deal, though. That's job, I know. I can take that if other things go well.

這篇文章的主旨和我先前寫過的〈北一女有什麼了不起〉差相彷彿，如果讀過了、而不想被我的碎碎念重複轟炸的人，現在可以關掉視窗離開了。

好。我本來打算再取個〈台大有什麼了不起〉一類的名字，蓋這個年頭真只有夠聳動的鬼東西才引得起注意。不過，套句武俠小說裡常說的話，招式使得老了難免讓人看出破綻；文章裡老用一樣的哏（註1），大家讀著也膩味。所以我打算改變策略，把話說白，大概更能表明我在所謂「校籍情結」問題上的立場：
只會抱怨「台大嘛，名校嘛，了不起嘛」卻又拿不出料來的人，請妳

相片是去年初春在淡水商工拍的。

那天薄霧微雨，空氣溼涼，吐納之間只覺得整個人透明了起來，像吞吃了春光。為什麼會從那株櫻樹底下望向天空，終究也不復記憶，只是一方鏡頭裡潑墨似的黑枝和碎吻似的初蕾，真箇「半天縱橫亂阡陌，一樹豔血壓晚霞」。